The Thrill Ride of a Lifetime

Yesterday was the most incredible emotional rollercoaster. I still cannot believe how many times I went up and down. I made peace with saying goodbye to Bentley and went through the intense sadness of letting go no less than three times. I prepared myself for the bad news before it arrived. Then I got elated thinking that maybe the bad news wouldn’t arrive. Then I had to deal with the news once it did arrive. Then I had to break it to Karlo and make a decision of what to do. I made the decision to medicate him and put him down after our trip. I visited Bentley at the vet and drove home feeling OK. I got home to a message from Karlo saying he did NOT want Bentley to spend his last days in a cage, sad and lonely just so we can see him again when we came home. I felt like a ping pong ball, back and fourth with my decisions and emotions. I insisted that Karlo call me (on a real phone rather than chatting via the computer) to discuss. It was a dreadful, tearful and short conversation that ended with me agreeing to put him down today . . . on my way to the airport. Can you imagine a worse way to start a vacation?

So I immediately called the vet to explain the change of heart. I could barely talk on the phone, being the emotional wreck that I was. I felt so weak and pathetic. Karlo even suggested that he fly home and we cancel our trip. I knew I had to be strong . . .

But luckily the vet was the most caring and understanding woman on Earth. She calmed me down and explained that I shouldn’t make this decision like this. She promised to monitor Bentley and see if the meds are making a positive impact on him. If they do, we can come back and take him home for anywhere from a couple weeks to a couple of months! And in the event that the meds don’t work, they asked if they can put him down without us there. Knowing and trusting these folks so much I knew they were better equiped at making this decision than I was and it was like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. Once again, I was back to being at peace.

I went to visit Bentley this morning and I realized there was no way I could have done the deed today. He was perky and alert and the same old friendly fellow. He’s getting showered with attention and I know he’s in good hands. Peanut, on the other hand, is sad, lonely and scared. I feel so bad for her. I hope she enjoys all her visits by friends these couple of weeks to get her mind off missing Bentley.

My next entry should be happier. Please stay tuned.