The Rollercoaster Continues

I sure was dreading this day. It started off with my aunt's funeral, an event that nobody wants to endure. I got through it better than I thought I would. That is probably because I go pretty numb inside of a Catholic church. Seems nothing a priest says actually penetrates my ears. I could go to any funeral in a non-Catholic setting, hear people talk (in normal speak) about their loved ones and, even if I never knew the person, I would easily be brought to tears at the thought of the family's loss. But for some reason entering a Catholic church makes me feel like I'm listening to Charlie Brown parents' talking. Wa wa wa wa wa wa is all I hear until the part where I recognize the rituals. Then I instantly spring into robotic action and recite every single word (for be tum) in my head. But I feel almost no emotion and it sometimes makes me angry.

Well, this wasn't supposed to be a sermon on religion. That's the last thing I want to talk about. I just want to express my sadness at the loss of my aunt. It will leave an empty void my life for the rest of my life. A void that is just not meant to be filled I guess. So let's move on . . .

The next stop was to visit my father and I had very mixed emotions about this. On one hand I couldn't wait to see him. I got a couple good reports from Penni and I was thrilled at the news that he was improving. But at the same time, I now had high expectations that I was afraid would not be met, which would have me plummeting back into sadness and stress.

Well, my father was a cranky, grumpy, complaining old man . . . and it was GREAT to see him back to himself! I know that sounds terrible, but it truly was wonderful. We walked into the room and asked how he was. He instantly launched into a rant about being stuck in that awful place and I happily said, "Boy is it nice to have you back Dad." Even he got a good laugh out of it. Up until this point he was so out of it and confused and had such a lack of interest in life that he was just giving up. But now he's back to fighting and complaining about everything. This is a very very good sign.

We were trying to coach him and give him tips on how he can spring himself from rehab. We were trying to get him to understand that he needs to get strong in order to leave that place. So I quizzed him . . . "Dad, what do you need to do to get yourself out of this place?" The correct answer, of course, was "Get myself strong." But Dad's answer was "Shoot myself." Oh boy, let's try this again. I ask him again and this time his answer was, "Shoot somebody else." OK, it's settled. Dad has fully recovered from his fall and is back to himself. My brother and I made a call to speed up his evaluation. I just hope Dad doesn't find any weapons in rehab. ;-)