Am I Unfit to Keep Fish?

I’m starting to get a complex and Karlo thinks it’s hilarious. Let me explain. Last month I went to Petsmart to get 2 more fish for my new tank. On my first trip to Petsmart I explained what sort of tank I have and the sales clerk told me that I can have 6 fish all together. She recommended that I get 3 to start and then in a couple of weeks, get a few more.

So I got my 3 fish and life was good. After a few weeks I was all excited to add more fish to the family. I drove all the way to Petsmart and was greeted by the most unpleasant old lady I ever met. I swear she was a parking ticket agent in a past life. She was just evil. First she completely ignored me like I didn’t exist. Then finally she barked “I’ll be right with you.” as she continued to do some ridiculous useless task just to make me wait. She was testing my patience, but I continued to smile and be pleasant. I was ranting in my head.

She finally got around to helping me and I told her that I would like to buy a couple of fish. She immediately starts to interrogate me . . . “What size tank to you have?” I have a 6.5 gallon tank, but I lied, “8 gallons.”

Then she barked “How many fish do you have?” I had 3, but again I lied “Only 2.”

And then she proceeds to tell me that I can’t have any more. Excuse me?!?!? I can not have another fish? What the??? OK, I didn’t just drive over 30 stinkin miles to get to this store so some evil witch can tell me that I can’t buy a $2 fish. Now my patience was snapped. After some comments like “Are you kidding me, blah blah blah” she finally agreed to let me buy ONE fish, WITH the understanding that I can’t get my money back if it dies. Like I would drive my 25 mile per gallon car 70 miles (round trip) to get my stinkin’ $2 back! Has this lady lost her mind?

She carried the fish and walked me to the check-out line where she instructed the cashier not to let me have the fish warrantee. For a $2 fish! Good grief.

While in Charlotte I was having a nice fish conversation with a fish-fanatic co-worker. He explained the importance of changing the water every 2 weeks. Very, very important. Oh brother. It was a month and I didn’t change the water. I couldn’t wait to get home. My poor fish.

I got home and first thing I did on Saturday was change the water. All the fish were alive. Thank goodness.

Sunday comes, I feed the fish and then 20 minutes later, one is dead. I lost my poor Siggy fish. I loved him.

Do I dare go back to Petsmart? No way. Yesterday we went to Walmart, figuring they are more laid back there. And they were. I asked the dude if I could have just one guppy and put it in a tank full of Mollys. His answer was “I don’t see why not. Try it and see.” OK, my kind of fish salesman.

Karlo can’t wait until I go back to Walmart so often that even Walmart refuses to sell me fish. He is envisioning a sign posted at the aquarium section of all Walmarts with my picture on it . . . Do NOT sell any fish to this woman! What a riot. So far my guppy seems to be happy. She’s yellow with an orange tail and her name is Lilly. So there! Petsmart can take a long walk off a short pier.